Music Videos That Made Us Clutch Our Pearls

by James Hill

August 29, 2016

Whatever Kanye West is on, we want some. Or maybe we don’t.

Either way, we couldn’t keep our jaw off the floor while watching his “Fade” music video that featured Teyana Taylor’s toned cheeks and 80’s era gym equipment. And some shower sex. And some pseudo-beastiality. Damn, Yeezy what are you smoking?!?

That doesn’t mean we didn’t like “Fade,” it’s just we didn’t quite know what the hell was going on. We felt Teyana’s tight curves and floor-humping but now we feel kind of dirty for liking it. And this wouldn’t be the first time, either. In fact, we’ve compiled  a short list of our favorite naughty music videos that shocked the world and made us seek therapy. And before you ask, yes, some of this will be NSFW, so put in your headphones and turn your screen so Linda can’t see (WE KNOW YOU LOOKIN’ LINDA!).

Prince’s “Gett Off”

Year: 1991

Technically, this was a live performance, but hey it’s Prince so we’re breaking the rules. Keep in mind, we already EXPECTED Prince to be a freak — the dude wrote “Darling Nikki” afterall. So when he filled the stage with a writhing orgy, we were like “sure.” But absolutely NO ONE was prepared for Prince’s mini-cakes to be on display through his yellow-lace pants. In hindsight (pun intended), we should have seen it coming but consider us properly scandalized.

Nelly’s “Tip Drill”

Year: 2003

In the early 2000’s, you literally couldn’t turn the channel without bumping into an ass-shaking video. Video vixens in thongs were a national past time, so how exactly did Nelly break through the clutter? We’re not sure if it was the blurred-out ass cracks, the all-girl hot-tub orgy or the infamous credit-card swipe but the sheer tonnage of booty antics pushed this video to BET’s late night “Uncut.”

Madonna’s “Like A Prayer”

Year: 1989

When word got out that Pepsi was sponsoring Madonna’s new tour and kicking it off with a brand new music video premiere, the world held its breath. And when the video actually arrived, some damn near passed out. Showing burning crosses and Madonna getting a little touchy-feely with a religious statue was . . . weird but we think we know the real reason American lost it’s mind — two words: Black Jesus.

Erykah Badu’s “Window Seat”

Year: 2010

It’s six years old and we still don’t quite know what to do with this. We guess it makes sense that the Texas native would be strolling through Dallas for this video but why at the site of the JFK assassination exactly? And then, um, why is she taking off her clothes? Why is the word “evolving” written on her back? Why is she naked and are these passerbys just as shocked as we are at Badu’s donk? So many questions.

George Michael’s “I Want Your Sex”

Year: 1987

Laugh if you want but in 1987 this was the closest we got to a sex tape. Looking at it now, it looks like a Victoria’s Secret ad you’d see during reruns of “Good Times.” But that didn’t stop the protests and even censored versions that landed Michael in some hot water.

TELL US: What videos did we miss?

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