“I will never be the same person but every day I am a little bit better”
R&B Divas: Atlanta Season 3
Episode 2: “Uncomfortable In My Skin”
Celebrity Blogger: Diva Sister/Manager Syleecia
Diva Sister/Manager Syleecia shares her story of loss in the midst of managing her sister Syleena and more in this very personal R&B Divas cast blog.
New Season. New Projects.
This season, Syleena takes her music career to the NEXT level! Her fans will be pleased to know that she has new music and a new album coming soon.
Episode 1 – Engagement to Enragement:
On the premiere episode “Engagement to Enragement,” you see quick flashes of myself and my other sister Sylette. We were looking very shocked because we were! That whole incident was so NOT staged! It all happened in a split second and we were all confused for sure!! I was sitting in a place where I couldn’t really see KeKe’s face at the time of the incident but I did see her walk in. She was definitely not herself; she looked like she was going thru something. I don’t care what anybody says about KeKe- I love me some KeKe – that’s my girl 🙂
Syleena & Music Exec Wayne Williams
In this episode you see Syleena meeting with her former A&R music executive Wayne Williams. What you might not know is Wayne actually discovered Syleena and signed her to JIVE Records back in 1998 so to literally work together again 16 years later is exciting! Wayne ALWAYS believed in Syleena’s voice and talent when she was very young. Sixteen years later, she is on R&B Divas on TV One meeting with the person that discovered her. WOW! How many people get together on TV and work together again after all those years? My sister wouldn’t be an “R&B Diva” if Wayne hadn’t signed her to JIVE all those years ago! That’s real.
My Mom The FB Stalker
You see my mom on this episode and yes, that’s our mom! Gotta love her!!! She still lives with Syleena (everyone saw her move in last year during season 2) and that’s a never ending story. LOL! But on this episode when she said she “watches FaceBook” what she really means is she stalks FaceBook! She reads ALL the comments especially on the TV One FaceBook page and gives us a FULL report on who said what about EACH R&B Divas cast member. But in terms of helping me manage Syleena, we need something more than a social media partner like our MOM but she means well. 🙂 And yes, in case you’re wondering, mom is STILL buying those blasted scratch-off tickets!!!
Crying With My Sister
When you see me at Syleena’s house and I break down, that time was a BLUR for me. I actually filmed that about a month and a half after losing my baby daughter. I still look pregnant in that scene. I gained about 30 pounds because I wanted my baby to grow despite what doctor’s had warned me about. For the record, I did NOT miscarry, I had a stillbirth. The baby’s heart had stopped and I had to endure 30 hours of labor to deliver a baby I knew wasn’t alive. It was crazy.
I went thru a lot during my pregnancy and although I was considered “high risk” I NEVER thought my daughter would die. I have been tested for immune issues and I am waiting on those results now because the doctors think that is what caused the baby to not grow at the normal rate (at 7 months, she was the size of a 5 month old). Following the delivery, I suffered nerve damage in my leg (Meralgia Paresthetic) and PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). I immediately sought therapy and I still go today some 7 months later. I will never be the same person but I am getting a little bit better every day. I am a work in progress. Faith, praying, meditation and HOT Yoga help me to endure.
Syleecia on Her Pregnancy & Coping With Loss
I was so happy when I found out I was pregnant! It was the happiest day of my life and then when it was taken away from me, it was the worst. In my Syleena voice, “it was a disaster of a devastation of a nightmare.” From the moment you find out you are pregnant you go into mommy-mode and start planning and that’s what I did. I had her nursery and my sister Sylette was working on the baby shower. I had the next 18 years of her life planned out!
After my loss, I immediately went to therapy and joined a support group with other women who have suffered loss (which I still attend). I also do Hot Yoga and journaling. Journaling has helped tremendously and I’m even writing a book called “Suffering in Silence: A Story of Resilience After Stillbirth.” The title “Suffering in Silence” says it all- I’ve learned that people just DON’T want to talk about stillbirth or miscarriages. They want to tip-toe around the subject and that’s just not healthy. All of these activities have helped but I think the biggest thing for me has been praying, crying and definitely therapy. When it first happened, I cried all day non-stop over the loss of my baby and the nerve damage in my thigh. I was in pain both mentally and physically. Now, I may cry once a week. Cry it out! It’s OK to cry! My mom came and stayed with me and so did Syleena and Sylette. Omar, my partner was there for me too and he was even in the delivery room and saw our daughter. Very devastating. He has really been my ROCK. Everything I asked him to do, he did and then some. I don’t know what I would have done without him.
People would say to me “God has a plan for you,” or “everything happens for a reason” – I DIDN’T WANT TO HEAR THAT- I STILL DON’T! At one point I was very mad at the industry and I still feel like you are punished for being a woman because I had no choice but to go back to work. Through all of this, I was getting calls and nobody really cared what I had just been through. The industry will tear you a part if you let it. I discuss in depth in my book, Suffering In Silence, about what I went through during my pregnancy. The stress, drama and madness that stressed me out while I was pregnant will shock the world!!!
There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about what happened. My daughter, Nikeeya Nichelle Fisher, will always remain with me. Her name was especially chosen as it is after both of my sisters Syleena and Sylette (Syleena’s middle name is Nikeeya and Sylette’s is Nichelle).
Diva Sister/Manager Dr. Syleecia Thompson is also working on a foundation named The Sunshine Foundation to bring awareness and education to society about stillbirth and miscarriages among African-American women.
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