Married to a preacherDear Darling Nikki,

I was married to a preacher all of 4 months whom I had been in love with for a very long time only to find how much of a cheater, liar, deceiver and user (meaning not wanting to work, he wanted me to be the breadwinner, while he play church). I have separated from him because I’m not going to live my life, like this.  At this point, what should I do about this relationship?


Boss Babe


Dear Boss Babe,

It sounds like you got mixed up with the preacher from TV One’s original movie “The Undershepherd,”who has a lot going on like cheating, lying and deceiving others including his wife and congregation.

They say that art imitates life so I have to wonder where the idea or concept of “The Undershepherd” really came from??? From the sound of your letter it sounds like you know about this lifestyle from first-hand experience!!!!!

I am sorry that after four short months of marriage, you have separated from your husband.  Break-ups and broken marriages are hard regardless of what he or she does for a living but I must admit when you add the title “preacher” into the mix it’s definitely taboo.   Like it or not, certain jobs and titles hold a certain prestige and one of those jobs IS preacher.

As women we must learn that MEN ARE MEN regardless of their occupation, religion, educational status and or pay check.  A man is not better than another man because he has or does not have these things.  When will we learn that preachers are human beings with faults (and desires) like the rest of us?  When we finally accept that men with “high profile” jobs or status are just like the rest of us, then maybe we as women will stop being deceived.

I know it’s heart breaking to think that your husband, is cheating, lying and deceiving folks including you and his congregation but as you have found out, this is HIS character.  He has shown you his true self.  Let me repeat:  HE HAS SHOWN YOU HIS TRUE SELF.  Now you either deal with it and stay or roll out.   #TRUETALK

By the sound of your letter you have separated.  Did you talk to your husband before separating?  Did you ask him to change his ways or does he see nothing wrong with how he is conducting himself?  Did he ask for your forgiveness?  This is what I wish I knew from your letter but since I don’t, I’ll try my best.

You asked, “what should you do about this relationship?

It’s hard to answer since I’m not sure what HIS defense is but here it goes….

#1 / If you have confronted your husband about his cheating, lying and deceiving ways and he has no remorse or will not admit to any wrong doing and has not apologized or promise to change then I would keep the separation in full swing and start to think about divorce (I know. Some churches don’t believe in divorce but do you think God wants you to be unhappy and be with a man that does not live by basic manhood principles?)

#2 / If he has seen the error of his ways perhaps you two can attend counseling and get on the right track.  You sound like you still love this man and as your letter mentions, loved him for a long time prior to being married.

#3 / Try not to judge him;  leave that for someone else.  You know what you have seen, dealt with and what you are willing to live with.  If there is hope, you will know it in your heart.  If this is his TRUE character and you don’t see him changing and you don’t believe in his lying, cheating and deceptive lifestyle keep it moving.

Darling Nikki

TELL US:  Sound Off!  What Would You Tell Your Friend Who Was Married to a Lying, Cheating and Deceptive Preacher?