Monday Mailbag: He Never Kissed Me, Was It Just Sex?

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Dear Darling Nikki,

Hello! Please kindly read my story and comment. Thanks!  I broke up with this guy a few months ago because I found out that he cheated on me. The relationship lasted 10 months.  Only after I broke up with him, I’ve been wondering if all he wanted was just sex.

A few weeks into the relationship, we spent weekends in his bedroom. Even if we hang out after work and went to other places, he never kissed me although he tried to touch my bottom in public or every time we met. The thing he said after we made love is “Why r u so good?” without cuddling. I didn’t get what he meant at that moment. He took me to expensive restaurants and gave me flowers.

Every little thing he said was a lie which I found out only after the breakup. Before that, I thought he never lied to me. I believed him so much. I never really knew what  kind of guy he is. He never talked about his work, study, family and friends. He never opened up about his feelings. He was always cold to me.  He seldom called me. He only SMS me every day. Although he came to my house to have dinner and meet my family, he was never affectionate to me. I know he cheated on me and took me for fun. I didn’t realize his intention from the start. That’s why I came in to a relationship with him.

But can anyone tell me if it was just sex he wanted from me although it’s impossible to read somebody’s mind?

Thanks,

Moon

Dear Moon,

You are right about one thing, “it’s impossible to read somebody’s mind,” but I’ll give in my best darling try! 

For starters, no offense but your letter is ALL over the place!?#* You said  that "he never kissed” you but that he took you “to expensive restaurants and gave flowers.”  Those two don’t add up.  I don’t know any couple that doesn’t KISS, especially for ten months.  KISSING is one of the fundamentals of GREAT communication, sex, intimacy…the list goes on and on.  Without kissing, you mind as well be hanging out with a pal and not someone you are intimate with.

I’m going to give it to you straight and no chaser so here it goes…He didn’t’ cheat on you, you cheated on yourself by allowing these shenanigans to take place.  10 months with no kissing yet your spending weekends in his bedroom?!???  I think he enjoyed your company AND sex.  If your willing to give it, he is willing to take it.   How is sex so great and no kissing is involved? That’s what makes us different than animals. #RealTalk.  Without it, you mind as well just do the do and get it over with or maybe that’s what the two of you were doing?

I also didn’t like the fact that he would touch your "bottom" in public (but no kissing?).  The fact that he seldomly called or opened up to you about his personal life are definate red flags. Those actions are clues that he was simply knocking boots and nothing else. I understand that you had feelings but where were his?  He showed you his true self by not calling, not kissing and not being emotionally available.  Perhaps the flowers and expensive dinners were to keep you in the dark about his true self but sadly, he already revealed it.

You being committed to him does NOT qualify as a committed relationship not to mention that you were closing your options for a dude that didn’t even kiss you. Did you ever ask him where the relationship stood and why he didn’t kiss you or call?

Sounds like you were a RELATIONS partner and not a RELATIONSHIP partner. There is definitely a difference between the two. RELATIONS = someone you knock boots with and RELATIONSHIP = someone you build with. 

I’m glad that the two of you broke up after you found out he cheated on you but the truth is you should have dropped him a long time ago (like after you realized he wasn’t kissing or calling you).  Sorry, but no amount of flowers or fancy restaurants can take the place of a quality time and conversation.

It lasted 10 months and now its time to move on.  Don’t spend time on spilled milk trying to figure out if all he really wanted was sex because he never kissed you.  But if you need an answer to move on, I would vote YES based on how he treated you. (lying, cheating, not calling, not kissing)

Take that energy and move forward.  And if the next dude you meet doesn’t kiss you or call, DUMP HIM.  Don’t hesitate to voice your concerns or your needs early on.  You got to look out for YOU first and foremost.

High fives for dumping him NOW and not ten years from now! You live and you learn and he definately taught you what you DON’T want.  Just make sure you don’t stand for this foolishness again. YOU DESERVE BETTER!

Darling Nikki

(The views contained herein are solely the views of their respective authors, and do not express the views of TV One. TV One does not take responsibility for their content.)

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